Sometimes I lie to myself and say he’s dead. It’s almost easier that way. I don’t have to pretend that I’m ok that way. I allow myself to cry and mourn.
I almost don’t want to talk about us anymore. Its like the more I reveal about us, the more the memory of us gets blurred and faded. Some things are so easy to remember, while others are completely black. I want to blame it on the meds but I don’t think they are effecting it that much. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I only want to remember the good times and not the bad.
I hurt. My head. My heart. My body. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I love you. I miss you. I don’t know why it all played out this way but it did. I’m sorry. Thats all I really have to say.
I continue to fight, I’m not really sure what I am fighting for, but I am.
This will be my last blog post about it. I will continue to write, but not about this. It’s time.