I found this in my phone from a couple months ago and I thought I’d share
I’m beginning to not have time for doubt. Seriously. All I’ve ever wanted to do in my life is make a living with my horses. I have a talent. It’s all I’ve ever wanted
Yesterday I had the opportunity to scribe for an AQHA judge in Lexington, Va. I really enjoyed it and talking with him. I learned a lot and he was so so kind about learning and took time to explain.
I’m not really sure where exactly in our conversation where I decided that I can’t do anything other than this. I’ve know it all along, but I’ve always been to scared with the risks this business brings to admit it to myself.
I’ve been accepted into a few big schools all for me to come down to this and say; I’m not going. I want to. My mother will kill me when I tell her. But I want horses. We only get one shot at this life. So why spend mine studying for a test or pounding vocabulary terms into my head? When what I want is right in front of me?
I do not come from money. I’ve never had a trainer. All the horses I’ve ridden and shown were what they were because of the time I put into them. I don’t work at big barn. I don’t know any trainers for what I want do. I have very few connections in the horse world. Very few. None really if I’m honest.
But I am ready. I’m ready to learn and grow. I’m ready to work long hrs and not get paid. To fight for what I want. I’m ready for the blood sweat and tears that come with it all for someone else to enter the arena on a horse I spend hours on. I’m ready for some trainer to yell at me and tell me what I did wrong because I want this.
I want to have a life that I deserve. I want to be happy. I don’t have to make a big difference in the world. I’ll be ok if I never make it a horse trainer, or judge. But what I will not be ok with is not trying nor the though of what if.
I want kids to be able to come to my barn and learn to ride. To grow up there on the backs of horses. To win, but more importantly loose. So they will want to work even harder. To be an inspiration to the horse crazy kids. To worry how I’m gonna pay bills the next month because things are kinda tight. But all that is worth if I’m happy?
I started this saying I don’t have time for doubt. I doubt myself every day of my life. Every day. I don’t have time for that now if I’m going to do this. How can I? If I keep doubting myself and wondering how can I do this then I will never ever make it. I don’t want to be on my death bed and have regrets of not living the life I wanted to live. So, I guess if it’s in Gods will I will able to do this, and if not, there are only bigger, and better things ahead.
“Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire”