Rivers

Now this scripture really didn’t mean anything to me for a while. But something kept bringing me back to it. The more I read it over and over again, the more questions I had. I didn’t understand it. However, the more I struggled with my identity, the more I began to understand.

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This one has been on my heart for a while now. I didn’t have the right words on how to write it, but I will do my best.

I’d like to take just a second to give you all a backstory onto why I’m writing this.

I struggle with my identity. I’m not going to lie about that. I don’t know who I am. I have questions about my future (and a whole lot more about my past). I wonder if I do the right thing. If I make the best choices, or what would happen if I made a wrong one. I worry about affecting others with what choices I make.  I wonder if I’m a good person. If God really has me in palm of his hand.

Have you ever felt like God forgot about you? Cause I have. A lot. I mean he made everyone in world right? Who would blame him he skipped over you for a couple days? I mean he does have A LOT to take care of up there.

I absolutely LOVE Pastor John Gray. He’s a big black man that’s a hilarious, but he also has a heart for God. The way he teaches and preaches is like nothing I’ve ever heard before. I don’t have the words for what he has taught me or how much praise I could ever give him. I highly doubt he will ever read this but I want to thank him. He has brought me to God, and for that I am forever grateful. He’s changed my life.

“I will open rivers on the bare heights And springs in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water And the dry land fountains of water.“I will put the cedar in the wilderness, The acacia and the myrtle and the olive tree; I will place the juniper in the desert Together with the box tree and the cypress, That they may see and recognize, And consider and gain insight as well, That the hand of the LORD has done this, And the Holy One of Israel has created it.”

Isaiah 41:18-20

To me this verse means that God is coming. He hasn’t forgot about you. “I will open rivers on the bare of heights and springs in the midst or the valleys”

I am in a valley. I’m in a dry spot. It’s not necessarily dark anymore but its very bitter and harsh. I picture a cold winter day with no leaves on the trees, frozen water, harsh winds, and no life at all. But I believe that he will “open the rivers”. I have to believe that. I have no other hope to hold onto but that. I’m not going to be like this forever. Sure, I’m going to have scars and that’s ok. I’m not embarrassed by that. But these dry spots won’t last. They can’t. I remember how dark of a place I was in. It’s not dark anymore. So that’s my proof. I know he’s coming to me. He’s coming to open rivers. And the longer that have to wait, the more work he’s doing in me. The longer I wait the more developed I become. The more my roots get into the ground. The more patient I become. But most importantly the more like the ‘me’ that God has created me to be, I become.

I’m trying. I’m searching. And I will find myself and my silver lining.

Silver Linings.

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