“And that slave who knew his master’s will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes, but the one who did not know it, and committed deeds worthy of a flogging, will receive but few” – Luke 12:47-48
Either way we are going to get hurt. The beating of life is going to happen. One thing about getting beaten is that we eventually get numb to it; we know what to expect. I’m very guilty of not stepping out of my comfort zone. I’d much rather play it safe and be able to handle this “familiar pain” rather than branch out and try to stretch and grow. The funny thing about both of these scenarios is that either way you’re hurting yourself.
When I was little we used to get spankings if we did something wrong. At the time it happened we were always upset, crying, pleading no, and anticipating the feel of the paddle coming down on our butt. (My sister an I called the paddle ‘The Pink Panther’) At the time it hurt, but now I am grateful it happened. Getting spanked pushed me to do better and made me grow. It made me learn from my mistakes. Now… I wonder if thats what God is doing to us… Every time we get beaten down or hurt its to stretch us and grow us? I think this is true. We grow into the people he created us to be. Every time someone hurts us it’s to help us… right?
Now, my problem is that it’s really hard for me to see my pain that way. I am so used to being numb and in my comfortable little shell that I don’t want to try to branch back out or learn from what I’ve done. We open up only to get hurt again… and maybe thats ok. Maybe that means it’s not our time. That we still have more growing, learning, and bettering ourselves to do before we can ever get into a relationship and get back out in the world. Maybe it’s ok to be numb again. Maybe it’s ok ONLY if you take that time to better yourself.
I don’t think we should ever be the same person twice. Everyday we wake up anew. The person we are today is better than who we were yesterday. At least thats what I have to keep telling myself on this journey… I may not see it ( most of the time I never do) but I have to take it in baby steps. I’m pretty positive that I got that mentality from riding colts so much. When I put 30 days on a horse I never make a goal of wanting it to do this, this, this, and this at the end of the month. My goal is always simply to make it better horse each day I put my leg across his back. I get more out of it that way. I see things in the horse that most people don’t notice… and thats whats nice. I get to get inside a horses head. I can read them. I see their progress in their brain so to speak sometimes before I even see it physically. Its just a feeling, a look, and connection that you get.
The things I can see in horses, are quite possibly what God sees in us. I see horses way differently than most… God sees us way differently than most of our friends do. All these ‘beatings’ are for our good. God can see the mental change before we can really see one ourselves… and thats beautiful in my opinion.
There is only one problem with this… Sometimes we get frustrated with God when we don’t see this change in ourselves. We get blow after blow after blow and we want to give up. But things are changing inside us before we see them change on the outside. There is a certain fear I have of not ever being good enough. Getting ripped down by people that are close to you hurts… and thats ok. Its all part of it.
I’ve been told I’m crazy; and not in the just kidding way either. Lots of problems that I have come from my emotional scars and things that I couldn’t control. Since “I’m crazy”,I like learning about the brain. It always has intrigued me. I like knowing why we do what we do. Fun Fact–The amygdala is linked to the parts of the brain that govern your senses, muscles and hormones — enabling your body to react quickly to the sight or sound of a threat, aka fear.… The same information can also travel via the cortex, where it is put together to get the whole picture… the whole picture that we can’t see, but God can.
One of my good friends used to tell me that FEAR stood for Face Everything And Rise. So, the way I see it we can either be so scared of getting beaten by life that we try to hide from it (me) or we can embrace our beatings and hold onto knowing that they are only to make us better. (The me that I want to be.)