“He was the lamp that was burning and was shining and you were willing to rejoice for a while in his light”
About a week ago I was driving on the interstate to see a special person in my life. As I was driving I noticed in my rear view mirror how dark and black the sky looked behind me. My past is dark and black. It hurts to look at; it’s depressing really. But as I kept driving I noticed the further and further I went the darkness slowly started to fade. When I got to where I was going the sky had one of the prettiest sunsets I’d ever seen. The future looked big and bright. That evening I realized that my past does not dictate my future. Sure, its gonna shape who I become, but not who I am. If it’s me reading the signs, I think God was giving me the approval to continue with this next step in my life.
The person I have I in my life now has shown me so much in just a short amount of time. I feel like I can love again. I’m learning how I should be treated. I’ve never been treated like this before, and to be honest, I kinda feel like I don’t deserve someone so good to me. But then I remember that I am a child of God and I deserve the best, and that God will only bring me the best. (Saying that and actually remembering it when I start to feel like that are two different things.) The way I can connect with this person is absolutely insane. Never have I had someone so open and honest. I don’t have the words to describe the feelings of love and compassion I have for him. Its like we fit like puzzle pieces.
I’m starting to think that every person in our life is a piece to our “puzzle.” Now you know when you work a puzzle and think that a piece goes there but it doesn’t? That’s the people that you thought were going to ‘fit’ into your life but for some reason they didn’t. Now that the pieces that do go together are people that should be in your life. All the people in your life are pieces and by the time you die, your puzzle should be complete, and I’m sure it makes a beautiful picture.
Then if you think about that, all the pictures of our lives all make up one great big picture that God created. Maybe when we get to heaven we can see what it looks like.
With this new found gift from God in my life, I feel like I can finally start to dig out of the rut I was in. It’s not going to be easy, and I’m going to want to quit, but knowing that I have someone in there digging with me when I get tired is sometimes all you need. The light this person is to me is incredible. Sometimes I wonder if I had the light inside myself all along, and he just turned it on. I hope I did the same for him, and together we have a united light that no one can ever put out. Now I’m not healed by any means, but I am learning that I don’t have to walk around anymore with this wound open. I can have a scar but I’ve decided to quit bleeding from it.
One of my favorite quotes is “Maybe life isn’t about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it’s about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it.”
And maybe just maybe, he’s the one that is finally stitching that wound up to create a scar, and in my opinion scars can be beautiful if you’ll let them be.