I hate you. I wish I had never met you. How could do this to me? How could I have been so dumb? I don’t even know what real love feels like. I know what being in love feels like because I was in love with you. But you weren’t with me. I gave you my heart but you took my soul. We were engaged for Gods sake. And then you betrayed me time after time after time. But I stayed. I stayed because I was scared. Scared he would hurt me. Scared he would hurt himself. Stayed because I loved him. Stayed because I believed there was hope and he would change. It only got worse. His old girlfriend came to town and he started hanging out with her. I was no longer number one, but thinking about it now, I never ever was.
I don’t even know what to call it. It wasn’t a relationship. It was being used and hurt repeatly time after time. It was him taking advantage of my youth, and being so nieve. I couldn’t even make my own choices with out him. My decisions were mad for me. I had no choice but to go only with what he wanted. It was a abuse. I just releized that about year ago. It’s still a hard pill to swallow. It was love for me. It was a game for him. It was all a big game. We were never on the same level.
Sometimes I’m glad I spoke up, others I’m not. It’s battle everyday. But I’m not were was I was before this happened. I’m not the girl I used to be. I’m different. I’ve changed.
Over time I gradually became a better version of myself. I can’t go back to who I was before the relationship. Too much has happened. Instead I became stronger, wiser, and more determined to live the life I wanted. I want to be a voice, not a victim.